Yes, you read that title correctly. As much as that label may be drenched in internalized misogyny, it brings to mind what does a “pick me” girl mean and what other aspects of female socialization does it bring up?
According to Urban Dictionary, a “pick me” girl is a young, sometimes teen girl who seeks male attention by indirectly or directly insinuating that “she`s not like other girls”. This may look like someone who gives backhanded compliments to other girls around and in front of boys in social settings or puts on an attitude of being “just like the boys”.
The internalized misogyny of this term is very apparent. There of course is women and girls who do genuinely love sports, or video games, or things that men and boys “typically” enjoy. All of this is up for debate because our society has evolved to a point that most activities don`t need a gender label and its a bit out dated and sexist to believe that certain hobbies and interests are just for one gender or another. This belief also has the habit of erasing and invalidating the identities of our nonbinary and gender diverse friends.
This term has been everywhere on social media since at least 2020, if not before. And there are trends around it like “POV: the pick me girl in class” or “things that give pick me girl energy” and the whole “pick me girl vs a girls` girl.” Just to name a few. A lot of it surrounds girls who may exhibit attention seeking behavior.
I think it`s important to touch on some reasons why attention seeking behavior presents. When it comes to teenagers it could be that they aren`t getting the right or healthy attention at home, or simply none at all. When it comes to young adults, it could be childhood wounds, or past abuse or trauma at the hands of a partner. There are so many other and more complex reasons as well since humans are innately complex beings, but these are just a few I can name off the top of my head. Especially as I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist.
Anyways there`s always more to the story than meets the eye, but I also understand the comedic nature of these social media posts.
Now that we`ve got the background and definition, let`s get into it.
A little “Maggie lore” I like to call it.
I have always been an interesting person, at least I like to think that. Much to the dismay and embarrassment of my teenage self (she can be really mean sometimes, but I still love her and appreciate all she`s done to keep little me safe). Now, let us get back to it.
Starting from a young age I was taught that male attention is fleeting and that if I happen to like a boy, I need to damn well make an effort to keep and maintain that attention. Among other, much more important things to be a good person and yadda yadda yadda you get the picture. But having male attention was something that every young girl should strive for because it gives you status (thanks patriarchy). Now this was long before I began to realize that I may or may not like just boys, maybe I want some attention from others as well. If you know you know haha. Anyways, getting all of the boys attention was celebrated and even encouraged, by neighborhood moms, by society and by movies and television. (I`m looking at you early 2000s Disney Channel). But this was EVERYWHERE growing up.
So it makes sense as to why young girls were mean and taught to compete for male attention from elementary school and all throughout middle school and high school. Because of this, I think its fair to say that there are plenty of people growing up who (if we had TikTok) would place me in the “pick me” girl category, as I was attention seeking and “boy crazy”. I am not immune to this either as I would also place others in the same category. Are we noticing a theme of competition yet?
Anywho, now as an adult, who is fully engaged to my lovely partner. I would say that I am aware of how some of my behaviors growing up and sometimes now may appear as attention seeking even if that`s not my intention.
I have a deep love for all of my friends and fully believe that life is too short not to tell people how much they mean to you, and make them laugh or smile even at loud volumes from across the room. When I am in a conversation with someone and others are in the same room, I`m quick to fill them in as to what we`re talking about so they don`t feel left out or ignored. All of these which can “give pick me” energy.
From middle childhood, I have had a deep adoration of classic cars since growing up and attending car shows where my mom was working. I also go hard at karaoke with my friends, and sometimes a couple drinks in with random strangers. I also talk…A LOT. I thrive off of connecting deeply with people and so it`s easy for me to fill empty space when in conversations. I am also highly emotionally intelligent so vulnerability doesn`t scare me. All of these can give “pick me” energy.
I`ll end it here folks, I don`t think any of these are shameful or weaknesses of mine by any means, just a little peak behind the curtain of someone who may have been called a “pick me” girl once or twice if we had the verbiage growing up, or maybe even now.
Tread lightly friends and maybe incorporate more “pick me” energy into your life, as a wise meme might say “to be cringe is to be free.”
Your former and recovering “pick me girl”
Maggie
Meredith Grey`s famous quote
A Beautiful Mess 